| this probably isnt going to come out right... |
[May. 13th, 2007|11:12 am] |
i wish i knew how to explain my life right now. but if i did maybe it wouldn't be so confusing, maybe if i had the words i could work my way out of confusion and on to progression.
i've been through things, and seen things, and felt things that if you had told me even 5 years ago what my life would be today i probably wouldnt believe you.
this is what i think i've learned of my self so far... i like to be in control. somewhat. because being in control means not getting hurt unless you allow it. or i paralyze my self, saying that i cant do something before i even try, that way there is no falling short if i dont try. it is these two realizations that have caused a lot of the pain and annoiance in my life that i'm now having to clean up. i got involved with a boy that was crazy about me, and i like him a lot too...but...i was the more mature one, i was going some where, i was the catch, he just eased the loneliness. hence, me being in controle, he had more to lose. unfortunately i'm also a big mother, and all that wasnt to make me sound great i care about him a lot too. but back to the mothering...even when i should have let go, even when he did things that were awful and any smart person would have left. i stayed. now i have the still totally in love with me, getting cleaned up, and sorry for what he did guy left and i'm at a loss for what to do.
do i care, yes.
do i stay and see what happens so it wasnt all for nothing, that maybe the end will justify the means... i dont know
i could be recking my life, but i could just be living it and a good ending is on the way.
seeing your parents made all kinds of memories come back and feelings i havent felt for a while. but it would be cruel of me to play the game of maybe when i'm so unsure of everything that i would just be stringing you on.
i love the memories, i love hearing how your doing, i hope you go far and are so happy in life no matter where it leads you. i hate that i cant make everything better and everyone happy. and i just wish that i knew what to do, because like i said when i dont know what to do...i get paralyzed.
i'm just going to keep praying for help and clarity and see where life and God take me from there.
dont get me wrong life is wonderful and beautiful also, its all just mixed in together! |
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| life sucks |
[Jun. 26th, 2006|01:58 am] |
i havent put anything on here in so long i didnt even know if it would work, i'm house sitting so i have no journal so i guess this works. right now so much is going on in my life..in my head.. with my emotions i couldnt even begin to put it in words.
i'm so hurt right now that i feel like i've been in this depressed zombie world for the last few weeks. i've always been an optimist and trusted people and expected the good out of them, and all those times people warned me and i didnt listen, now i wish i would have. i expected the truth, believed what i was told, and thought i was doing the right thing. now i'm just completely heart broken. he lied to me, not just once not just a little, but for ten months. i feel like an idiot, i feel used, i feel confused, and unfortunatly i still feel the need to hang on, to cling to him, to ignore the hurt and my brain, and listen to my heart which only wants to keep loving and being loved even if it means more hurt in the end.
why did he lie, why wont he fix it, why didnt i know, and why doesnt he love me enough like he said to get better.
i dont know if i'll be the same after this experience, and right now i just wish i could be done with it, maybe i need to move away for a while. i know God wont give us more than we can handle, but is this from God, or did i get to far away from him too and now i'm just screwed and on my own.
all i wanted to do was take care of someone, and have them love me. he should have never even talked to me, he knew i wouldnt have liked him if he didnt lie, my heart and head are all screwed up and its all his fault. look what i get for putting in my all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2005|12:28 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | foo fighters | ] |
i'm tired of not being known for who, or what i really am.
i hate that it seems everything i do is done in vain.
i'm desperate to be appreciated, to be noticed... why cant anyone just love me for me.
stop judging me
stop putting me down
don't pretend to know me
don't pretend to care
i hate that i'll never be loved the way i love, i seem to have a problem... everyday i fall in love, i love people, i care about people, with my whole heart i do.
will anyone ever care for me that way, will i ever feel at rest, that i'm not struggling to keep my head above water.
they wont win, even if i'm forever alone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2005|11:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | aerosmith, angel | ] |
so kehl got his results partly back from his heart thingy and they said they think hes fine, but he still has to go in to get an x-ray just to be sure ya know.......
we came in third in the softball game!!! did i say that last time??? oh well i'm still proud :)
the fourth was ok... i worked all day and they jerks made me stay over time even!!! oh well i still love them, and i do get extra pay for it so i guess its alright. fire works are fun but just dont have the same bang to them that they used to have ya know. (wow second time i used "ya know" lame. i sound like the mom on bobbys world)
i decided that if i was alive when aerosmith was like really touring i probably would have been a groupie,,, how i love their music.
i cant on here,its weird...voice to voice. heck i dont know if its me even...
spent the weekend at piatras!!! so much fun, we swam until like 4 in the morning went out every night and its just always fun to have girly time.
mkkk shower time..nighty night... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2005|06:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  dirty and tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | phantom planet, somebodys baby | ] |
omg...i am SO SO TIRED!!!! this whole week as been so crazy. i dont even know everything i did cause i was so busy but some of the main things were.. we found out that kehl "has a heart murmur" (hes going to a specialist to see if its true or the doctor is full of crap) pray for him if you think of it...
then last night we couldnt get a hold of cam forever and when my mom finally called his friend that he was with he told her that him and cam were in newport and cam got pulled over... not for speeding not for anything wrong but that his tale light was out and the cop held him for over an hr searched his car and was a total jerk to him, then said he couldnt drive home cause it was midnight and he hasn't had his license for 6 months yet.the poor guy was lost to. and i totally know what its like to be lost there, once i must have passed fashion island like 10 times just trying to find my home from the air port,its confusing when your a new driver! SO...i got to go pick the two of them up at like 1 in the morning, then i still had to shower and drive home and be up at 6 this morning in order to go play the softball tournament. we won 3 out of 4 of our games and shoulda had the first one... so we move on to tomorrow and the last to games to see who wins. we play some tough tough teams and it was close but it was really fun. i'm so stinkin tired though, 6 in the morning until 5:30 at night of straight back to back games is nuts! i'm going to the spa and to bed i think. i sure hope we're rested for tomorrow i really want to win!
and thats just barely my week so far....
my arm hurts to bad to keep typing.. *muah* |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 20th, 2005|01:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | brand new | ] |
omg!!! so i was looking at castles tonight...which someday i will live in one in france, no matter if its full time or not. and jeff found one that like blows your mind its so beautiful, its like a fairy tale! he called it but we'll see who makes the money first and either way he said i could be the maid lol... i love the language, love the country, love the castles, france IS a fairy tale.
i wanna go so bad!
it was a nice fathersday, i love my daddy. i got him the wrong cd for a present but he likes the one i got and i'll just surprise him with the other one later this week.
beach tomorrow...with emily (havent seen her in years weird) and hopefully joc and jeff with come to break the ice. then dinner with chels and her cousin from georgia and maybe disney land...and yet its two in the morning and i'm writing in here.
time for sleep, fun day tomorrow...and long...........
nighty night its pumpkin time
this is my castle...someday....http://www.sifex.co.uk/PropertyFullDetail.asp?propid=11297 |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 19th, 2005|07:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  je parle francais | ] |
| [ | music |
| | radiohead | ] |
joyeux perejour!!!
je ne comprende pas choses droit maintenant.
je suis joyeux et triste, et je veux un bon garcon a adore.
je somille a soire.
je vais a la maison a jeff a regarde le chateau a francais pour de jour.
je deserve encore, je suis une bon femme. je veux un prince a romantic, et qui adore moi avec tout son coeur.
vous mal moi coeur si bonsoir pour maintenant, mon petite chou.
bocoup amore! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 18th, 2005|12:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | life house, new song | ] |
i'm so sick of working.....*said really tired* i cant do it 5 more days in a row.... thats like 10 days straight...with one day break!
yay for pia! all done with high school and the last of us to go. now we're all officially old. i'll have pictures of course!
andrew remember when you screamed, and then i screamed...LOL just thinking about how hard you were laughing makes me laugh.
i changed my phone thingy and i talk in helium for it lol, i sound like a munchkin!
i dont understand you, you make it so obvious...but nothing, i thought there were things to say but.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2005|10:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | keane | ] |
so kehl is in high school now. weird. and i have two high school grads to go to tomorrow after work...
i drove my bros stick shift tonight we traded cars and it was pretty funny.
i learned from mark how to drive it like a year or yr and a half ago. it was pretty funny though, he did a good job teaching but even an asian lady laughed at me cause i stalled, now thats a self esteem killer.. and have only done it one other time other than that. i wasnt bad but i thought i had it in first but it wasnt and i kinda bounced around a little on imperial... but i made it i was proud! its so much more fun to drive, it actually feels like your driving and not on a ride.
i'm tired or working everyday...but i guess it will be worth it when we go to hawaii!!! gotta save up.
once again i got things all wrong. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 12th, 2005|09:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  kittys make me all lovey | ] |
| [ | music |
| | alkaline trio, time to waste | ] |
i'm bored, and i think to much, have you ever noticed how dangerous it is when you spend to much time thinking, your mind can play tricks on you.
i got a new kitty today:) shes so cute, all white and little and a baby, we named her sue lol. after my grandma who also has white hair...i cant wait to tell her that tomorrow, i'm sure she'll be honored.
hopeful,
confused,
lonely,
happy,
content,
bored,
so many emotions...whats a girl to do...eat chocolate of course!
i'm reading this really amazing book right now called captivating and i love it, maybe i'll do that rather than sitting here wishing i had something better to do.
tons of love!
PS! i have to add in that the earth quake was so random today...i mean i know they always are but we havent had one in forever! i thought someone was trying to wake me up so i kinda like was about to tell them to stop saw there was no one there and i remember thinking "oh, earth quake, this is fun" and going back to sleep. the one i actually wake up for cause its later in the morning and it so small it doesnt even matter. one day i'll be awake for a good one....but hopefully not to scary...
i cant sleep...my mind wont shut off.
i was fine, now i'm looking at pictures and losing sleep.
i think i'll go swim tomorrow that should be nice.... |
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| i'm so sleepy... |
[Jun. 12th, 2005|01:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  peaceful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | gavin degraw, fallow through | ] |
yesterday was scotts last day at work:( it was sad to say good bye, he was a good manager and always made me laugh so i'm sad. but the new guy looks pretty cool too, plus he said he would take us out on his boat...thats always a good way to win over your employees...
kehl is graduating in like 2 days and its so weird, cams a jr, kehls going into high school and britt is now in jr high. plus i'm in now my second year of college. what the heck!!! when did that happen, i swear we were just digging holes in the back yard and yelling at each other and going on camping trips, now we all get along great are into big ppl stuff lol and its sad...no more little kids. its weird how things change, but its kinda fun to see too, i wonder where everyone will be in 5 years even, so much changes.
well...we tried to go to the drive in movie last night and had a futon or how ever you spell that and sleeping bags and everything but we got there and it was full:( man i'm so excited to try it too, i have never been to one, i feel like i'm in a different time period when i look at the screens and cars all out there. we did get to go thrift store shopping though and that was fun. i didnt find any cool clothes they sucked yesterday but i got a cool old fashion clock for my room, jeff found two abercrombie shirts..no stinkin fair! he has all the luck, but me and joc...nothin!
oh this is the start of something good,
so since you wanna be with me, you'll have to fallow through,
i'll see you everyday
oh look what i'm holdin here in my fire, this is for you,
your so hypnotic on my heart
and i i only wanna be with you, but you have to fallow through with every word you say... sigh* i'm so in love with this song right now... its beautiful. i totally just massacred that song but its just pieces of it lol
ok i'm sleepy and ppl keep calling me so i have to go decide if i'm going to be lazy or go play....hmmm |
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| blah blah blah |
[Jun. 8th, 2005|11:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  creative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | still blink | ] |
    the summer has started off SO FUN! i have been to the beach like a million times already, disneyland like everyday thanks to my pass, six flags tomorrow, bon fires and bbqs all the time, staying out late talking with friends at are secret spot. my relationship with God has become so much stronger. made tons of new friends and become better with those already around. cam had a baseball award thing tonight it was so cute, i'm so proud and he got a rookie of the year award. its his first year and hes a starter. i'm going broke...well i atleast have less money than i'm used to... but its so worth it for all the fun its been. ok call me lame but i totally love that lords of dog town movie..i feel inspired. it makes you just wanna live life more, so i'm gunna! wait until you all see what i'm learning...but its a secret for now;) and....some pics of course..... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 8th, 2005|10:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  eh??? | ] |
| [ | music |
| | blink first date, breakin out the old school | ] |
that is my song
i never wanted to be a mess to clean up. i was the other girl...
your tomorrow is still my today and my phone #s still the same...
or maybe i'm just crazy...oh well |
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| school is out!!! |
[May. 16th, 2005|08:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the phantom of the opera | ] |
SCHOOL IS OUT!!!!!!! nah me excited...no way....OK I LIED I'M WAY EXCITED!!! its been an interresting and long year but in a way really fast too...if that makes sense. so i got out of school on wed, but i have one 20 min test on this coming wed, but i havent had to go back since then so i'm pretty much done. today i slept in for the first time since....well who knows when. not to much though, i woke up at 8:40 and just kinda sat there until 10 down loaded the phantom of the opera cd which is AMAZING by the way. i'm so in love! seriously i swear i'm going to marry those voices so hot! but anyways then i went to lunch with my grandma and watched a trippy movie at jeffs called like requiem for a dream, it was cool but made me sick, to much depressing stuff. then we went and worked out and i have no homework tonight!!! i also had to go into work today cause the other night when i was walking out of work some cop grabbed my butt and i had to report it to my manager well some how my dad found out and is having A COW! hes so pissed so i had to get the info that jeff and jr and ryan took down for me and he wants to call and complain, its not even that big of a deal but hey i'm getting better about it i reported it this time! its just kina embarassing that everyone at work has to know. i have so many ideas of what i want to do with my major and plans for my future its awesome! in a way i cant wait for the next school year just so i can get started on my major....after a long summer that is.... i got a hair cut its so cute i love it, this isnt a good pic but i was looking for something in my car when it was taken lol so eh what ever... |
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| this car and others WILL be mine one day |
[Apr. 27th, 2005|11:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | a little bit hyper..ok a lot! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ha! like i'm gunna say | ] |
 
the other day i ran into the most beauuuuuuuutifulllll car in the parking lot...i just had to share! schools almost out! thank goodness! only 3 more weeks, i can make it...i think... i just want to wake up and think hmmm what do i have to do today...oh thats right..NOTHING! then role out of bed put on a swim suit and go to the beach. yeah, i think about this a lot. i bought a yellow shirt...i like yellow it feels like the sun is out even thoung its stinkin cold outside and shouldnt be! oh! and alkaline trio was on kroq last night! what the heck!!! i swear i jinx every band i even listen to, one second there original and the next their all over the radio where any poop head can hear it. its ok i'm not bitter, i'm happy for them. but i'm not telling any one the name of the cool band i just found cause next thing you know their on mtv... i played softball the other day! we won...by A LOT! totally killed the other team, and i got a hit and on base for every at bat, it felt great.... mmm i dont feel like writing any more even though there is more to say but no one reads this anyways lol so i'm done for now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|10:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | optimistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | garden state, blue eyes | ] |
i hardly have time to breathe and sleep lately...i feel like i'm ALWAYS going somewhere and thats expensive when gas is $2.59 a gallon! so insane. its kinda annoying cause my dreams are whacked out and i'm pretty bad with running into walls in the morning but i'm having a lot of fun too.
i had to work pay window today:( bleh...but they usually do that to me right before the weekend cause they put me on more important stuff during the busy times...or thats what i like to think at least;) but other than that it was a good day, got off early, i took jeffs keys and cell home last night after i put it in my purse at the spa..(oops) so i had to bring it back. it was nice though we got to talk for a little while and it was a good talk hes a good best friend. and he got the intern at the hospital! yay jeffrey!!!
plus i had to pick up a glove from bridgetts cause i forgot that last night too lol but i held her little nephew(so adorable) and he fell asleep in my arms...awwwww. i love babies. AND.... i went to my little brothers game and had a good talk with my dad, i know i say this every time but i really am very very sure that i'm going to become a nutritionist/dietitian. i'm really into health and whats good for you, how to stay balanced and what your body needs and stuff and plus they make bank and i'll be helping ppl. it just seems to fit. its surprisingly not much school need which is another plus. i might continue with school and go farther but it will be a good paying job and i'll be certified during all of it. going to the gym everyday and taking this nutrition class has gotten me even more into being healthy than i was before, not just as a i want to look good thing, i mean of course i do, but just because there is so much more to it than that, the way you eat and exercise affects your whole life and future its really important and interesting.
so i'm over the richard thing...i feel bad saying that but really we went on a few dates but thats it i didnt make a commitment and i think we were both a little weird because of being friends for so long before. i just need someone with more passion and adventure to them. hes a sweet heart and will be one successful guy one day, but to me traveling the world and with my best friend/ person i love and feeling excited about it is more important than being a business person. he'll make some other girl happy:) i keep making more out of things and guys than there is to it and i think i have learned now, i know what it feels like to be in love and to feel genuinely interested in someone and attracted and i'm just not going to settle for "i guess it could turn into liking him" people any more. i have a lot of other things to be concentrating on right now.
i'm getting really good at french! i'm way excited about that. i want to go use it now, i feel like i really could communicate and feel good about it and i love it.
i have been listening to the sound track from garden state (which is an awesome movie) for the last two days straight and i just cant get enough. the blue eyes song just makes me melt...sigh...i would probably ask that guy to marry me if he ever sang me that song lol.
well i have another packed weekend and week so i gotta go get ready for that...nighty night!*muah* |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 25th, 2005|01:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | lifes confusing | ] |
| [ | music |
| | journey | ] |
  
my pirate pants:( you cant see them
so i'm in a blah and kinda crappy kinda not mood today. i woke up 10 mins before work and my brother had parked the car infront of mine which made me have to drive even FASTER on the freeway in order to be on time to work, and then i was pay window...bleh... but whatever life goes on... i found big sunglasses that i like, thats happy, i lost my last ones, and pirate pants and a shirt i like, i look like a half emo half pirate person but i like it...even though i'm not emo, i'm not a pirate either..but i do like pirates...i had a pirate birthday once..but thats another story... i joined the gym! i love it, i have been like everyday this week and it feels great, i'm eating like a stinkin dinosaur though! seriously i'm always hungry which if you know me is weird, i dont usually eat much, i dont have a big appetite, but now i cant get enough food! but i go for like 3 hrs a day, playing racketball, lifting, running swimming, jeffs showing me how to tone up:) its swim suit season ewwww lately there is so much on my mind that i dont think i could even write it all out, and its stuff that i can feel but really there is no words for, my heart feels it but my brain cant get the words... i feel lonely, like i'm fighting alone...everything i believe in stand for and work for i'm the only one. i'm surrounded by ppl and things i dont like or agree with, i'm at this point where i'm wondering when its ever going to stop! i have been through odd times and awkward stages before but this is getting old, i need somewhere to fit in and a place to belong, i'm different and its shoved in my face everyday. i'm tire of ppl telling me that i dont know or feel things as strong because of what i havent done or experienced...just because someone smiles on the out side doesnt mean its all ok inside, and what i go through is different but still just as important and real as anyone else. i wish i had someone to feel close to and relate to. i see ppl with their arms around each other and it makes me smile but also wish i had one too. i miss the i have someone by my side feeling. i smelled him at work the other day and it all came back...the feelings that is, its amazing how one sense can trigger your whole memorie, i felt safe the second i smelled it. it was refreshing though i liked it. i always feel like going to the mountains when i get frustrated, and today i was considering ways that i could go live there...i think i was feeling a little frustrated.... i did get to go check out the hotel with jocelyn though, and have a date with her...i love our dates love:) i'm never alone as long as i have my dates with you:) this is a really random entry but i'm tired and its been a while so whatever, night! *muah* |
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| go dad! |
[Mar. 8th, 2005|07:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | relaxing | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 50 cent, shake that ass girl | ] |
  the last few weeks have been SO busy, not that its any different from how my life always is...i'm always going, always have to be somewhere, and always busy. but its been even more lately...i dont mind though, for the most part its good. my daddy ran the L.A. Marathon this sunday:)!!! *is very proud* he trained for so long and for so hard in order to be able to do it, and he did! he finished the whole thing, and was in the top 10% of the people who ran it...and 26,000 people ran!!! hes amazing, i love him. it was so cool just being there too, i got to see the wheel chair ppl cross and cheer them on, and its so crazy to think that they can do that, cause let me tell ya, there isnt one person who wasnt sweating and tired running that thing, and these guys did all 26.2 miles with their hands! i also go to see the first runners to pass buy and that was exciting. i definitely recommend going and watching even if you dont know anyone, its fun. next year i wuold really love to be able to run it with my dad. i started training for it, i'll start out small and see where i get, even if its not this next year then someday... its a goal... i have been thinking and talking to people a lot and my attitude has really changed lately. i dont really have many ppl i can trust or turn to right now, i'm not sure why...its just really hard to find ppl you can count on and relate to so i'm really close with my fam right now. but i just really am wanting to push through college, and no matter how hard it gets i have to make it. math sucks and i'm not good at it but i can get through it. and its ok that i dont know what i want to be yet. i'm really studying and learning lately about Gods heart for us, and how he made us to do such great things, you cant let your self get down because when we are weak thats when God can be the strongest in our lives. i'm at a point where i give up my wanting to plan and be in charge and trust that God knows me and loves me and if i work my hardest he will help things fall into place. and that includes friends...i might have to let him weed out ppl even...as much as it sucks, sometimes we just have to give even them up to him. its almost spring break! i'm so excited, i need a break, time to clean my car that just cost $650 to fix!!!!! dang thing! i need to shop, take a small vacation, go to the beach, have a bonfire....just have fun. mmmmk i'm done now...lots of love! *muah* |
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| :)!!! |
[Feb. 26th, 2005|03:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | pinback, fortress | ] |
 wow...great weekend:) i dont remember if i said this in my last entry but i got a turttle:) lol i'm so excited about it...no thats not the only reason my weekend was good, i'm not that lame... but hes cute! and i took a pic of him on this little tiny surf board...OH! i'll put it up! anyways....so shopping in LA with pia was really fun, but the next day i got sick...have been sick for like 4 days now. i'm never sick and usually when i am it goes away in a day, but i got hit hard this time and i have had a constant fever for 4 days straight now and feel like i just wanna chop my head off! so i missed 2 classes and only worked like 15 hrs:( but i guess i break was kinda nice. but for the good part:) i went out with richard on thursday. he took me to the brea improv and we watched christopher titus and had dinner there. SO funny! it was weird...but really comfortable at the same time going out with him. i mean we have always hung out as friends, and he was always nice, but he opened all my doors pulled out my chairs, paid for everything (which in richards case shows right there that he cares lol) and didnt even try anything! i mean i knew he wouldnt cause its him...but its been forever since a guy didnt even TRY to hold my hand on the first date. but he gave me my valentine, and we talked until like 130 in my driveway, he asked me on a double date with his sister and her bf the next day...(i helped lauren his sister get together with him too:) but we went to the movies and watched cursed...its SO dumb! not my choice, but it was still fun. then we just went to starbucks and back to his house and we all talked for a long time, then me and richard just talked out by my car until 330! it was so nice, but then i had to be up at 630 and i'm still sick...so i have been paying for it all day... its so weird to have butterflys, and to care about hanging out with someone, and to be sitting next to someone that you know really really likes you and you feel the same. we're both going really slow as far as like we havent held hands even, and we're not pushy people so its really laid back. and part of me is really excited to see what happens but i'm really satisfied just to even be just with him:) hes so cute hehe. i'm so excited! its sad though cause he lives like an hr and a half away...NOT that i'm complaining, its a huge huge step up from what i'm used to lol, but still, the weekends take to long to come...summer will be good. ok now i'm just going on to long so i'll stop. *muah* |
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| :)!!! |
[Feb. 26th, 2005|02:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | pinback, fortress | ] |
wow...great weekend:)
i dont remember if i said this in my last entry but i got a turtle:) lol i'm so excited about it...no thats not the only reason my weekend was good, i'm not that lame... but hes cute! and i took a pic of him on this little tiny surf board...OH! i'll put it up!
anyways....so shopping in LA with pia was really fun, but the next day i got sick...have been sick for like 4 days now. i'm never sick and usually when i am it goes away in a day, but i got hit hard this time and i have had a constant fever for 4 days straight now and feel like i just wanna chop my head off! so i missed 2 classes and only worked like 15 hrs:( but i guess i break was kinda nice.
but for the good part:) i went out with richard on thursday. he took me to the brea improv and we watched christopher titus and had dinner there. SO funny! it was weird...but really comfortable at the same time going out with him. i mean we have always hung out as friends, and he was always nice, but he opened all my doors pulled out my chairs, paid for everything (which in richards case shows right there that he cares lol) and didnt even try anything! i mean i knew he wouldnt cause its him...but its been forever since a guy didnt even TRY to hold my hand on the first date. but he gave me my valentine, and we talked until like 130 in my driveway, he asked me on a double date with his sister and her bf the next day...(i helped lauren his sister get together with him too:) but we went to the movies and watched cursed...its SO dumb! not my choice, but it was still fun. then we just went to starbucks and back to his house and we all talked for a long time, then me and richard just talked out by my car until 330! it was so nice, but then i had to be up at 630 and i'm still sick...so i have been paying for it all day...
its so weird to have butterflys, and to care about hanging out with someone, and to be sitting next to someone that you know really really likes you and you feel the same. we're both going really slow as far as like we havent held hands even, and we're not pushy people so its really laid back. and part of me is really excited to see what happens but i'm really satisfied just to even be just with him:) hes so cute hehe. i'm so excited! its sad though cause he lives like an hr and a half away...NOT that i'm complaining, its a huge huge step up from what i'm used to lol, but still, the weekends take to long to come...summer will be good. ok now i'm just going on to long so i'll stop. *muah* |
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